The Putz Prepares for Vegas
These could very well be the two most ugly button downs known to mankind. For a total of $475, that just makes it that much worse. I suppose spending the money on tangible items beats throwing a few chips to double down your 8 +3, or a late night trip to the boom boom room.
=$54 x 3
Me : Did u really get 3x tickets in one morning?
Putz: Yes bro. Cause two r for same thing. One for no front plate
Me: Can you elaborate? What were the two for?
Putz: Crosswalk
Me: Oh that sucks, so…$54, $54, and ?
Putz: $54 ahah. I’ll only pay 2 but court is open 8-4 m-f only. Hard for me to get there
Me: Ya
Me: You going to wisen up and put license plate on front?
Putz: Na not after one I’d say 3x n I’d put it up
Me: Tru. Makes sense
The Problem with Technology
You’re probably asking yourself what does technology have to do with the Putz?
If you know my roommate you should have a clear understanding that him and technology go together like the world’s worst class driver and a brand new beamer coupe. Using a remote control to turn off the TV, synchronizing an iPod – these are everyday challenges for the Putz.
Living in a crowded city jam packed with cars and highly enforced parking restrictions, an automobile owner has quite a challenge. Street cleaning rules to be aware of, ruthless parallel parkers tapping your bumper, or parking too close to a corner are issues encountered – understandable in a metro-area. Forgetting to turn your head lights off, not so understandable. Forgetting to turn your head lights off a few days after you left a light inside your car on accidentally – definitely not understandable.
I’ll cut to the chase: Putz took it upon himself to park on a crosswalk (strike 1). Putz left the headlights on his car the whole night, thinking the switch was on the automatic mode (strike 2). Putz insists that his car was parked in a legit spot while the battery was dead and car stuck (strike 3, you’re out).
The end result: BMW sponsored tow-truck arrives at the scene of the crosswalk only to find the car missing. The police towed the $50,000 month old coupe to the impound. Mr. Putz (father) was forced to take a trip into town to pay for car to leave impound, Mr. Tow-trucker tows car from impound, Jr. Putz (brother) drops off loaner car to Putz office, and eventually car is fixed and returned.
Two conclusions we can draw to this long-winded story. One, don’t leave your headlight on all night. Two, if you leave your headlights on all night, make sure you do in a legitimate parking spot.
…should we say technologically challenged or ‘everyday living challenged?’
And I Quote…
“I drink my coffee in the morning in my office bathroom because then I shit more…”
Stay classy Putz, stay classy.
The Putz Plays Racquetball
A few mutual friends finally persuade The Putz to purchase equipment to join them on their weekly racquetball routine. Lacking hand-eye coordination along with horrible tennis skills, he feels racquetball might be his calling. During our trip to Modell’s Sporting Goods, The Putz deems it appropriate to purchase not the $25.00 beginners racket nor the intermediate priced at $50.00, the $80.00 one it is. Followed up with some spiffy eye-wear, and a brand new Nike dri-fit t-shirt, The Putz will hit the court hard.
Can this $135.00 costly sport provide The Putz the exercise he thought an outdoor treadmill would provide? TBD.
A Night of Bad Romance Turns into Trouble With the Toilet
Here’s how it went down: The Putz spends the night out in the city, driving his brand new BMW coupe to parking garage ($35). After the nights festivities concluded (dinner – $60, bar – $200), Putz was too bent out of shape to drive home – go figure. Taxi to Hoboken ($50).
The following morning (see picture above) Putz remembers that he flushed paper towels down toilet the night before. Only problem is he realizes this after taking care of business. Don’t let the picture fool you – a chimpanzee would have more of a clue how to operate a plunger. Frantically searching for the blackberry, he google’s all local plumbers, no answer. Surcharge for roommate to fix toilet ($40).
Single, car-less, and hungover Putz weighs options to head back into city to get his car.
Just another typical Saturday night…(total:$385)
